England's-what?
by YaoiFanL
Summary: An Emergency World Meeting is held after the weather became unusually warm - to the point of suffocating - in England. But what did it have to do with English people's pain in certain areas? And why was Arthur so stiff in his seat, with a sniggering American sitting next to him and a smirking Frenchman watching him from across the table? One-shot. Implied USUK. Humour.


I just felt like messing around a little bit and try to get rid of this writer's block. And this cracky drabble is what came out.

Hetalia and all the characters belong to Himaruya. I make no profit out of this (still reviews are highly appreciated).

000

His nightmare had once more become reality.

World Meetings were the worst, they wasted precious hours and lead the participants to nothing useful. Fights after fights over stupid reasons, none of which being on the schedule. Coming to think of it, did they ever abide by the schedule? Germany doubted it. Today, however, looked promising. Everyone had gathered in time and, after ten minutes of being in the same room, no conflict started. Even America came at the settled hour, well, mostly because England dragged his half-asleep form there. Be it from tiredness or not, he didn't babble about being the hero or call everyone else his backup either. Instead, he stood in his seat with his hand covering his mouth in a failed attempt to hide his snigger. It was obvious for anyone's eyes - including the Brit's, who was glaring daggers - that he barely hold back an obnoxious laugh. A weird thing for Alfred, but as long as it allowed him to maintain a civilized and hopefully productive meeting, Ludwig had no complaint to make.

Speaking of strange behaviours, England's and France's were just as odd. Arthur didn't get off his chair to strangle Francis yet, which was a new record. He just stood stiff in his seat, moving as little as possible. In exchange, the Frenchman only sent him suggestive glances, winks and muttered words. Germany decided it was safer not to dig further into it - guts told him he didn't want to know what those gestures implied or made references to.

The two biggest threats to meetings were eliminated. As a bonus, Greece was awake... so far, anyway.

Apart from that, Feliciano still talked about pasta, which Ludwig had learnt to ignore by now. Romano hissed something in Italian at Spain; among all that cascade of words, he only caught 'bastard' and he doubted Antonio understood more either. Russia's table neighbors shifted as far from him as possible, a fact that did little to erase his smile. China seemed busy, if the maps of some buildings he hold were anything to judge by. Hungary and Japan shared opinions about some yaoi series and Austria palled visible next to his former wife. Turkey bugged Greece. And the chair next to America moved on its own as if someone had just taken a seat. Except no one did.

Yes, everything else was normal.

All right, so a chair moving on its own wasn't exactly normal for humans... but with England around, such things classified as regular events. Luckily, Alfred didn't look to his right yet.

Germany cleared his throat; once he got everyone's attention, he briefly made the introduction. In fact, the last World Meeting took place two days ago and the future one should have been in a month. This gathering was an urgent one requested by a number of their bosses. Something of great concern reached their ears. Apparently, UK's insisted most, albeit embarrassed by the matter. The German didn't get to read the whole report, but that was why he had the paper in hand. He dared a glance at it.

"As you've already read," which he knew was unlikely to have happened, "Yesterday morning, a series of problems arose in London and spread to the whole England. First off, the previous night, the temperature and humidity have been unnaturally high. English people have reported lots of sweat, waves of heat and other odd symptoms." He looked over the paragraph again - did their bosses seriously ask for a World Meeting to discuss England's weather and how the citizen reacted to it? "The same issue occurred in USA, especially in Florida." Well, of course it had been hot in Florida - the climate imposed it. "The meteorologists don't have any explanation for this, but they warned that the wave of heat might expand to other regions of the Earth as well."

"Oh, I think Angleterre could give us more details. Last time he took 'a business trip to' America." France met Arthur's glare with a smug smirk. "You've been in America last night too, non? How was it?"

"Terrible."

Alfred pouted. "But then you said-!" He coughed as the Brit's elbow dug into his belly. The other nations exchanged glances, some confused, some understanding perfectly well the hint. Still, Arthur kept his composed expression in place.

"Let's continue."

"Right... Also, a majority of over 90% of English people has experienced pain in the-" Germany stared at the report. He read the phrase again. And blinked. He felt his tension rising in anger; Prussia must have thought it was a good joke to mess with his reports. Because there was no way his boss would have ever sent him to a World Meeting to talk about England's-

"Ass."

There was a moment of silence once France ended the sentence. Then half the nations rolled their eyes or sighed, for they already knew how much of a pain in the ass Francis considered Arthur. Some whispered with their table neighbor. A few nations checked their papers only to be confirmed that they gathered, indeed, to talk about behinds. Hungary hide her giggled but it was obvious she shared the same joy and amusement as Alfred. And Greece, who had fallen asleep during Germany's introduction, continued to sleep.

"Fun fact about us: our emotions and some actions affect our citizens just as much as theirs affect us. I wonder why your people, Angleterre, suffer of sore asses."

"Frog..." Arthur growled threateningly.

"Of course, you've been in a business trip - oh, you've certainly been busy - for the weekend."

"Shut up, frog."

"But the weekend wasn't enough, non?"

"One more word and I swear to God I'll- "

"Are you sure America wasn't in England last night?"

That did it. The table trembled at the sudden movement. Papers scattered on the floor. Shouts, curses and yelps filled the room. Sore ass or not, Arthur had enough energy to start a fight. Among all the reactions, Alfred's was the loudest one: a wholehearted laugh. He sure knew more than he told - in fact, with his grinning, thumbs up and winks during the past minutes, he showed more than told. And the laughter now was just the cherry on top. It drew more such reactions and more comments and gossips.

 _Bang_. "Everyone calm down!"

The table trembled once again. And everyone stopped, all eyes on Germany now. Pleased with their cooperation, he cleared his throat.

"During a session of rough training, Mr. England fell hard on his behind." They couldn't tell their bosses - or worse, the public who did not even know about them - about their private affairs. "That's the explanation for the pain issue. This Meeting ends here."

Once Germany dashed out, shortly followed by North Italy, the fight continued. No one could tell exactly how long it lasted, but it must have been the shortest one these two had. And it resulted in a worse pain in the ass. By the end of it, Arthur had already decided he'd need some ice and he'd never let America top again. Ever.

Probably.

All right. Maybe one more time... After the soreness burned out.

One thing was sure, though: this World Meeting proved just as unproductive and stupid as the past others.


End file.
